Monday, October 12, 2015

sanay maghintay



parang huni ng ibon, paulit-ulit
bawat minuto tumutunog
o parang dalisdis ng pang basketbol na sapatos
sa bawat hinto o yapak sa tabladong sahig

hamburger na puti na may dalawang mata
nagpapaugong sa kaliwang tenga
sa kuwarto kung saan
daan na babae ang bumukaka

kung saan nakapatong ang pizza ko
sa hinihigaan nila
at balak kong ibigay ang pizza sa guwardiya mamaya
o ibaon ko na lang.

nilalamig na mga instrumento ko
pati siguro yung mga babaeng bumukaka rito
nanghuhuli ng mga kriminal
papindot-pindot,  o kaya sumasalakay ng bayan

gamit yung mga maiitim na lobong may bomba
isang oras pa, may pupunta pa kaya
noong isang araw pila sila
kinain ko na rin ung pizza

tapos pinalipat ako ng kuwarto
wala na yung tunog
mayroon pa rin pala
may dumating.

E.N.D.




i wont budge.
i wont look.
i wont ask for your help.
i wont answer your questions.
i wont reply if it is not needed.
i wont.
i will not.
yes. 

you lose.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Your Grace





Black Digital ravens slowly descend
Sliding to open does my hand
Unearthing the letter from your Grace
Reforming your Sansa's face


Galloping steps between our Wall
Heavy as the Red wedding at the Hall
Can never be mine your Grace
Gaze at my white walker face


Our path begets Winterfell
A great kingdom burned to hell
See through the flames your grace
Murder by the Hound's daze


A visit from the One Eyed Crow
Is an arrow from Ygritte 's bow
Its the beheading scene your grace
These mind bending plots to haze

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Pasensyoso




Isang kuwarto, dalawang pintuan
Modernong musika at kompyuter
Nasa kabila ka, ako andito
Di tayo magkakilala, naaantok ako.

Isang laban para kung kanino man
ang mag-antay ng ilang oras sa kawalan
Parang may lilitaw na bulalakaw
Unti-unting hihigupin ang ngiti, nakapasak sa mukha

Parang may alien na lilitaw sa kisame
at hihigupin pataas
O ang kamang katabi ko may hihigang hubad na babae
O biglang may taong kakausap sa akin,

Di ko siya kilala.

Monday, April 7, 2014

Huling Sandali

Mabigat ang ulo. Pinilit buksan ang mga puyat na mata. Tumingin sa may pintuan ng malamig na kwarto, at may nakadungaw na isang babaing nakaputi.


Ang sabi niya'y "Doc, may referral kayo sa ER".


Tiningnan niya ang kanyang orasan, 3:15 am.


"Aah, halos isang oras pa lang.."


Ito na ang pangdalawampung oras niya sa kanyang duty bilang isang ENT intern nung araw na iyon at ito na rin ang pinakahuling duty niya bilang isang medical intern. Isang oras pa lang siya nakaidlip, may tawag na naman. Tumayo siya at medyo hilo. Humawak sa upuan at pader, at tumigil ng sandali. Binuksan ang pintuan at pumunta sa nurse station upang abutin ang telepono. Medyo malabo pa ang kanyang paningin dahil sa liwanag. Tinahak niya ang hallway na parang umiikot. Kinuha ang telepono. Nakinig. Kinusot niya ang kanyang mga mata at binaba ang telepono. Inulit niya uli sa kanyang isipan ang sinabi ng ER nurse na kanyang nakausap.


"Doc, may referral po kayo from IM, 43 year old female,may dyspnea, ni-rerefer sa inyo dahil sa neck mass."


Tinext niya ang kanyang senior, na isang first year resident. Kinuha niya ang isang instrument box at dali-daling pumunta ng elevetor. Inayos niya ang kanyang buhok, mukha, at medyo lukot na polo at coat. Sinalubong siya ni Sep at pinuntahan ang pasyente. Kinuha niya ang chart. Binati niya ang pasyente at nagpakilala. Tinanong kung ano ang dahilan kung bakit siya pumunta sa ER.


"Doc kasi may bukol ako sa ibaba ng magkabilang panga, lumalaki, saka medyo nahihirapan ako huminga", sabi ng pasyenteng may oxygen cannula sa ilong.


Kinapa ni Sep ang sinasabing bukol at ineksamin. Pinabukas niya ang bibig ng pasyente upang tingnan ang lalamunan. Gamit ang penlight, tinutok ni Sep sa nakabukas na bibig. Ang lalamunan , hindi na makita, ang ngalangala niya sa itaas na bahagi ng bibig ay namamaga, namumula, pulang-pula at halos mahalikan na ang dila.


Nahihirapan na rin lumunok ang pasyente na si Aling Ina. Habang nakahiga sa kama ng ER, nakaupo naman sa tabi nito ang kanyang dalawang anak. Parehong babae. Pinupunasan ng mga ito ang labi ng kanilang ina dahil tumutulo ang laway nito na para bang may nginunguya. Makikita mo sa kanilang mga mata ang alala para sa kanilang ina.


Tinawagan ni Sep ang kanyang 2nd year resident na si Albert na dali-dali naman pumunta. Sinabi nito na kuhanin ang flexible scope na instrumento. Nagmadaling kunin ni intern sa 4th floor ang nasabing instrument. Tinutulak niya ang isang kwadradong makina na de-gulong, at hawak naman sa isang kamay ang isang mahabang case na lalagyan ng scope habang tinatahak ang medyo madilim at tahimik na ika-apat na palapag.

"Buti na lang may elevator"

Inayos na ni Sep at Albert ang scope. Tiningnan mabuti ni Albert ang lalamunan ng pasyente. Ipinasok ang scope sa bibig. Medyo nasaktan si Aling Ina. Minamaneobra ni Mark ang scope. Sinipat ng mabuti. Tinanggal ang scope. Tinawagan sa telepono ang 3rd year na residente na si Mars. Dali-dali rin naman siyang pumunta ng ER. Ipinasak uli ang scope sa bibig ni Aling Ina. Sumisilip


Lumiliit na ang daanan ng hangin ni Aling Ina. Namamaga at namumula ang paligid ng bibig at lalamunan niya. Ilang minuto na lang at maaaring magsarado na ng todo. Kinausap ni Mars ang mga kamag-anak. Sinabi niya na kailangan lagyan ng tubo ang leeg nito para duon makahinga.


Nilapitan ako ni Sep, at sinabing gumawa na ng OR request. Binalikan ko ng tingin ang pasyente.


Pinapapunas na ni Aling Ina ang kanyang bibig. Medyo may bahid ng irita ang muka nito at kumukuha ng hinga na parang kulang pa ang hangin na binibigay ng nasal cannula.

Nang biglang mawalan ng malay si Aling Ina...

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

ORIENTATION FOR M.D. WANNABEES (pre-med courses to take)

(I wrote this several years ago. I guess 2007...when I was in Med School...
but I didn't publish it. It was boring and too long. This was my view few years back. Oh well. 
Now I am about to take my diplomate boards. I'll publish this trash anyway. Haha! 
Sorry for the wrong grammar.)

What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a doctor. I heard that countless times. I've watched children in TV saying those words, worst, I uttered the same famous answer gazillion times. Fortunately, I became one. But not fully pledged, still have to pass the physician boards. I really just want to rest. What the heck. This blog is for the aspiring doctors, seeking a mini orientation. I am the lone doctor in our family, my father is a lawyer, and I have to take it all from experience. What I wrote down here, is from my experience, thus it may vary from person to person, and I apologize if the facts(?) I typed here are distorted and influenced by my alzheimeric memory.

One of the shortcuts in taking medicine is becoming one of the top 50 UPCAT passers in the country. UPCAT, University of the Philippines College Admission Test. Yep, I took it in 1998. Surprise. I am not in the top 50. But I passed! If the applicants in the top 50 had indicated in their application forms that they have interest in this so called "for the service of humanity" course, they automatically set to be screened and the top 40 out of this 50 are in the INTARMED program. I think you have 2 years for the pre med subjects, and 4 years for the med proper. so if you're 16 (highschool life, I remember it kay saya), plus 6 years, wow, a 22 year old doctor (granting you passed all of your subjects and clinical rotations). You have the biggest advantage, youth. One of my mottos in my medical endeavor is to " finish the f*cking degree in medicine at the shortest time possible".

Okay so, you did not pass UPCAT, or you passed UPCAT, but did not qualify in the INTARMED program, you have to choose a pre-med course. What are they?
B.S. (its bachelor of science, not the you know what) Medical Technology, hmm. You'll be a century ahead in microbiology, clinical pathology, and microbiology (century huh? you'll have a background, at least, i think those are the right words, oh man, Im having a nose bleed). In UST Faculty of Medicine and Surgery, those are second year subjects (yeah, I took medicine at the ROYAL AND PONTIFICAL, CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY OF THE PHILIPPINES, UST, roarrr!!!wtf!!!). 
How about physical therapy and occupational therapy? These courses would definitely give you edge at human anatomy, physiology, neuroanatomy, neurology and rehabilitaion medicine. Drawbacks? its a 5 year course, quota (in UP and UST, I passed the USTET also, P.T. course, but I opted to study in UP Los Banos), and I think they have a required summer courses, so much for that two months summer break.

Pharmacy, an edge in pharmacology, Microbiology, an edge in that bug and virus infested subject, micro and parasitology. Nutrition, an advantage in biochemistry  and nutrition. Chemistry, self-explanatory. Subjects in medicine that has the same name with your damn course, will give you an advantage, you took it four years, in medicine its gonna be one year or less.

 How about nursing? Well, according to my fraternity brods, BS Nursing would have an edge in the clinical stuffs, as you will be exposed to patients, procedures  and the hospital life, of course, as a nursing student, but still, you get to observe, medical clerks (pleaase, they are 4th year medical students, they are the workhorse of the medical team, and the lowest life form in the hospital, that's what they say in UST), medical interns (mostly are post-graduate, meaning they graduated first and earned the M.D., because some med schools like UST offers a 4 year curriculum, then you're off to go and decide for yourself where you want to experience one of the most enjoyable phase in your medical training , internship), residents (licensed physicians in training in their chosen fields who reside at the hospital...), and sometimes fellows (doctors who are in subspecialty training and consultants (the gods). I think, they also rotate via clinical subjects, so they make "dampi" or maybe immerse themselves a little in the bowl of medical knowledge.  Drawbacks? well, oversupply of nurses maybe? magmemed ka nga di ba?!


My course, B.S. Biology, ahhhh, the study of life (actually I shifted from veterinary medicine, hello? its six years, don't take dentistry and the likes). As for me, I took zoology as a major, so i have a decent background in animal physiology, comparative anatomy, parasitology, biochemistry, but trust me, in medicine, the discussions are more detailed, deeper, and annoying (haha!) than college subjects. This course is really an advantage , if you're really pursuing medicine. Its easy to be admitted at UP or any other university using this course (comparing it to other courses), its really interesting. If you study, you can have nice grades, or GWA, you can impress everybody, and enjoy college life at its best. Drawbacks? ahmm, just take medicine after biology, ayt? There aren't so many biology jobs out there. Plant biology...has no connection to medicine whatsoever.

But it all boils down to NMAT, the National Medical Application Test. All aspiring doctor wannabees must take this exam. You must satisfy certain amount of  specific subject units (e.g comparative anatomy, 9(?) units of physics, or 12(?) units of of chemistry, sorry i forgot, i took this exam 7-8 years ago) whatever course you are in.I repeat, whatever pre med course you're in, you and your fellow applicants must satisfy the required units of certain pre med subjects in your pre med course. All NMAT applicants must pass the comparative anatomy subject and other required subject courses, ergo, you all have the basic knowledge that would help you  to ambulate a step closer to the M.D. Degree.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Hindi

hindi na ko titingin
hindi na ko babaling
hindi na ko sisilip
nakakaduling

hindi na kita iisipin
hindi na kita gagambalain
hindi na kita papansinin
nakakapuwing