ANAPILAKSIS

You are sleeping. Your shirt and printed pants on, your eyes are closed. Peaceful. Your hair is adrift on your face. Your sweet scent leaves your hair and body. It seeps thru the pillow and sheets It is my turn to sleep. I smell the traces of your scent. I love your scent, a breezy summer afternoon kind of scent. Soft sniff. I dream about  you. I was on you.

When  we were surrounded by chairs and whiteboards Books afloat and skulls on the table Light escaping from the other room Sunrays piercing thru the blinds You were looking at me the way you are looking at him Right now.

parang huni ng ibon, paulit-ulit bawat minuto tumutunog o parang dalisdis ng pang basketbol na sapatos sa bawat hinto o yapak sa tabladong sahig hamburger na puti na may dalawang mata nagpapaugong sa kaliwang tenga sa kuwarto kung saan daan na babae ang bumukaka kung saan nakapatong ang pizza ko sa hinihigaan nila at balak kong ibigay ang pizza sa guwardiya mamaya o ibaon ko na lang. nilalamig na mga instrumento ko pati siguro yung mga babaeng bumukaka rito nanghuhuli ng mga kriminal papindot-pindot,  o kaya sumasalakay ng bayan gamit yung mga maiitim na lobong may bomba isang oras pa, may pupunta pa kaya noong isang araw pila sila kinain ko na rin ung pizza tapos pinalipat ako ng kuwarto wala na yung tunog mayroon pa rin pala may dumating.

i wont budge. i wont look. i wont ask for your help. i wont answer your questions. i wont reply if it is not needed. i wont. i will not. yes.  you lose.

Black Digital ravens slowly descend Sliding to open does my hand Unearthing the letter from your Grace Reforming your Sansa's face Galloping steps between our Wall Heavy as the Red wedding at the Hall Can never be mine your Grace Gaze at my white walker face Our path begets Winterfell A great kingdom burned to hell See through the flames your grace Murder by the Hound's daze A visit from the One Eyed Crow Is an arrow from Ygritte 's bow Its the beheading scene your grace These mind bending plots to haze

Isang kuwarto, dalawang pintuan Modernong musika at kompyuter Nasa kabila ka, ako andito Di tayo magkakilala, naaantok ako. Isang laban para kung kanino man ang mag-antay ng ilang oras sa kawalan Parang may lilitaw na bulalakaw Unti-unting hihigupin ang ngiti, nakapasak sa mukha Parang may alien na lilitaw sa kisame at hihigupin pataas O ang kamang katabi ko may hihigang hubad na babae O biglang may taong kakausap sa akin, Di ko siya kilala.

Mabigat ang ulo. Pinilit buksan ang mga puyat na mata. Tumingin sa may pintuan ng malamig na kwarto, at may nakadungaw na isang babaing nakaputi. Ang sabi niya'y "Doc, may referral kayo sa ER". Tiningnan niya ang kanyang orasan, 3:15 am. "Aah, halos isang oras pa lang.." Ito na ang pangdalawampung oras niya sa kanyang duty bilang isang ENT intern nung araw na iyon at ito na rin ang pinakahuling duty niya bilang isang medical intern. Isang oras pa lang siya nakaidlip, may tawag na naman. Tumayo siya at medyo hilo. Humawak sa upuan at pader, at tumigil ng sandali. Binuksan ang pintuan at pumunta sa nurse station upang abutin ang telepono. Medyo malabo pa ang kanyang paningin dahil sa liwanag. Tinahak niya ang hallway na parang umiikot. Kinuha ang telepono. Nakinig. Kinusot niya ang kanyang mga mata at binaba ang telepono. Inulit niya uli sa kanyang isipan ang sinabi ng ER nurse na kanyang nakausap. "Doc, may referral po kayo from IM, ...

(I wrote this several years ago. I guess 2007...when I was in Med School... but I didn't publish it. It was boring and too long. This was my view few years back. Oh well.  Now I am about to take my diplomate boards. I'll publish this trash anyway. Haha!  Sorry for the wrong grammar.) What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a doctor. I heard that countless times. I've watched children in TV saying those words, worst, I uttered the same famous answer gazillion times. Fortunately, I became one. But not fully pledged, still have to pass the physician boards. I really just want to rest. What the heck. This blog is for the aspiring doctors, seeking a mini orientation. I am the lone doctor in our family, my father is a lawyer, and I have to take it all from experience. What I wrote down here, is from my experience, thus it may vary from person to person, and I apologize if the facts(?) I typed here are distorted and influenced by my alzheimeric memory. One...

hindi na ko titingin hindi na ko babaling hindi na ko sisilip nakakaduling hindi na kita iisipin hindi na kita gagambalain hindi na kita papansinin nakakapuwing

Sa Starbucks Sa Pancake house Sa Mcdo SaTeriyaki Boy Sa Kotse...Burger King Bat ka sumasama? Bat ka pinapasama? ah oo. kaibigan. Kaibigan o Kaibigan?

(photo captured from Coastal Cove Resort, Dingalan, Aurora) Pagkamulat ng mata. Mga kahoy ng pangalawang kama ang nakita. Sa bahaging kaliwa. May harang ang bintana. Pilit na pumapasok ang liwanag ng araw Sa kuwartong seryoso at katutuwanan. Sa bahaging kanan ay isang pader na nakaharang. Isang balakid. Isang paalala. Tumayo. Nag-inat. Sumilip sa pangalawang kama. Sa itaas. Isang bulaklak. Kulay rosas ngunit puti ang pangalan. Minasdan ko ang petalya nitong tahimik na nakapikit. Isang pagtulog habang payapang nanaginip. Mga dahon nito'y kumukurba sa lamig. Bumukadkad ng mabagal. Kagandahan at halimuyak ay natural. Binaling ang tingin sa iba. Nagmamadali baka makita. Bumaba siya. Tumalikod. Umalis. Lumapit sa pinaggisingan. Naiwan ang bango sa unan. Naramdaman ang init ng pinaglapagan. Sabay ng lamig ng hamog sa damuhan. Isang umagang dating nadatnan.

I tried to close the door today. like a thousand dying fireflies slowly swiveling through the dark. Their fading light are as bright as the twilight. As thick as the swimming trees in the park. I tried to run today and stumbled, like a thousand freedom doves gliding underground. My heart and soul achingly crumpled, uttered a little squeak, a nomad home-bound. I tried to sing my song for you like a thousand dolphins echoing echelons in the battlefield Gliding through the waves underneath the moonlit sky but your ears and stone-cold heart  are thickly sealed. and that was probably my last try.

paano ko sasabihin sa katabi kung sing dilim ng gabi paano ko sasabihin sa kaharap di makitang hinaharap paano mo ako makikita kung sing lamig mo ang klima paano mo malalaman sinisigaw ng kalamnan paano kita mamahalin kung singsing mo'y di tatanggalin paano mo ko mamahalin kung ako ay may ibang kapiling paano kung tayo talaga sa ibang oras, mundo at umaga paano kung magkadapuwang ang mga kamay nating... di magtatagpo ngayong umaga.

When you dreamt someone and then you woke up...changed and confused. As if the dream was your life, the truth, and the ones you have now seems to be the wind. You know it is there but can barely touch it, feel it. Was your dream your alternate life? Or its just an illusion that keeps feeding your selfish heart. It seemed real. I don't want to wake up.

Camera and lens adrift from the shore Fulfills my greed, comes back for more The only way to shut is for you to abhor The way i am, like never been before Squeaks and shrills hastens the sore Your diamond face hits the core All about you magnifies the amour I have never dreamt like this before To re-unlearn my sight at downpour Of forbidden hints with my rancor Untamed within the silent uproar Wishful thinking of her time before Only to fixate on you at four Trapped, where art thou saviour To live thru death on your contour An agony to surpass this before

Kamoteng kahoy na umeere Isang ahas na pumepeke Parang asong me beke Sipsip uhog para sa bente Kamoteng kahoy na bugok Balat ay itim at bulok Mundo mo itong sulok Pag labas san ka sasalok Kamoteng kahoy na bulag Humanda ka sa ngarag Bat di mo ipagpag Ang utak mong bangag Kamoteng kahoy na umeere Tingin sa likod, garote Talisod ka sa may palengke Tingin sa taas, butete

Every second I wonder Why you're my cancer Vast rains in summer Crumbling avalanche after Seizing the laughter Freezes the chapter I am the captor Of ever after But I dream thunder Cant be forever Wont be a sinner Bound to time after Find the crater In my equator Hire me a freighter Not turning after Hope I free her Just read this letter Give back to sender If unchained after

Im looking at you only through the screen I see your invigorating smiles with him Your eyes, your hair, your heart within Your sweet scent and brightly fair skin I see her through the wall Breaking apart not a stone’s throw at all Hands opened, it is a high fall Fire above and over, I kneel and crawl The nights that we sleep tight I stay up coz you linger in my sight I dream carelessly, shiver I might The slower I breathe the longer the night I stare at her with my eyes closed She takes me away coast to coast Her mannerisms are addicting most We were, at a different star, almost 

Clever eyes trying to hold Melting specks of time and old Try and pursue I was told It seems crazy and too bold Saw a diff’rent kind of gray Never closing, gazing stay When mars fell, no angels play Dark flowers become astray Summoning faces of you Changing sights of penchant hue Filtering my world of blue Harness the beauty of few Sudden halting near the cliff Silent sounds, elating riff Clasping hands and pupils stiff Her intoxicating whiff Lurking seas of boundless smiles With him holding you, time flies Rails and tracks she races miles Tripping the rills of holy aisles It cuts when im fast asleep It dries my throat into deep Puts my soul to endless weep Scathes my heart and pair of lips Blind casting is she aware Burning pits of bursting stare Clinching buss Im not to dare In distance, bepaint her hair

when I feel you, I remember the sun blindingly gazing at its greatness, hurting at some shivering off the coldness, embracing the light soaring through the ages, lifting, emerging with calm when I look at you, I see the moon shining amidst the darkness of my mind I tried to be near you, you spoke so gently touched me softly, you just can't be mine. falling stars and comets cram for a second, a million, or for eons at a glance shifting between cycles, returning back when time began breathing slowly, a brief lifetime of trance hear me whisper for a minute we may lose our time and before you take your eyes away stare at me for the last time