ANAPILAKSIS

(I wrote this several years ago. I guess 2007...when I was in Med School... but I didn't publish it. It was boring and too long. This was my view few years back. Oh well.  Now I am about to take my diplomate boards. I'll publish this trash anyway. Haha!  Sorry for the wrong grammar.) What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a doctor. I heard that countless times. I've watched children in TV saying those words, worst, I uttered the same famous answer gazillion times. Fortunately, I became one. But not fully pledged, still have to pass the physician boards. I really just want to rest. What the heck. This blog is for the aspiring doctors, seeking a mini orientation. I am the lone doctor in our family, my father is a lawyer, and I have to take it all from experience. What I wrote down here, is from my experience, thus it may vary from person to person, and I apologize if the facts(?) I typed here are distorted and influenced by my alzheimeric memory. One...

hindi na ko titingin hindi na ko babaling hindi na ko sisilip nakakaduling hindi na kita iisipin hindi na kita gagambalain hindi na kita papansinin nakakapuwing

Sa Starbucks Sa Pancake house Sa Mcdo SaTeriyaki Boy Sa Kotse...Burger King Bat ka sumasama? Bat ka pinapasama? ah oo. kaibigan. Kaibigan o Kaibigan?

(photo captured from Coastal Cove Resort, Dingalan, Aurora) Pagkamulat ng mata. Mga kahoy ng pangalawang kama ang nakita. Sa bahaging kaliwa. May harang ang bintana. Pilit na pumapasok ang liwanag ng araw Sa kuwartong seryoso at katutuwanan. Sa bahaging kanan ay isang pader na nakaharang. Isang balakid. Isang paalala. Tumayo. Nag-inat. Sumilip sa pangalawang kama. Sa itaas. Isang bulaklak. Kulay rosas ngunit puti ang pangalan. Minasdan ko ang petalya nitong tahimik na nakapikit. Isang pagtulog habang payapang nanaginip. Mga dahon nito'y kumukurba sa lamig. Bumukadkad ng mabagal. Kagandahan at halimuyak ay natural. Binaling ang tingin sa iba. Nagmamadali baka makita. Bumaba siya. Tumalikod. Umalis. Lumapit sa pinaggisingan. Naiwan ang bango sa unan. Naramdaman ang init ng pinaglapagan. Sabay ng lamig ng hamog sa damuhan. Isang umagang dating nadatnan.

I tried to close the door today. like a thousand dying fireflies slowly swiveling through the dark. Their fading light are as bright as the twilight. As thick as the swimming trees in the park. I tried to run today and stumbled, like a thousand freedom doves gliding underground. My heart and soul achingly crumpled, uttered a little squeak, a nomad home-bound. I tried to sing my song for you like a thousand dolphins echoing echelons in the battlefield Gliding through the waves underneath the moonlit sky but your ears and stone-cold heart  are thickly sealed. and that was probably my last try.

paano ko sasabihin sa katabi kung sing dilim ng gabi paano ko sasabihin sa kaharap di makitang hinaharap paano mo ako makikita kung sing lamig mo ang klima paano mo malalaman sinisigaw ng kalamnan paano kita mamahalin kung singsing mo'y di tatanggalin paano mo ko mamahalin kung ako ay may ibang kapiling paano kung tayo talaga sa ibang oras, mundo at umaga paano kung magkadapuwang ang mga kamay nating... di magtatagpo ngayong umaga.

When you dreamt someone and then you woke up...changed and confused. As if the dream was your life, the truth, and the ones you have now seems to be the wind. You know it is there but can barely touch it, feel it. Was your dream your alternate life? Or its just an illusion that keeps feeding your selfish heart. It seemed real. I don't want to wake up.